Friday, March 16, 2012

Filled Under:

NEW RULES FOR OLD FARTS



 

 
  • If you remember when health insurance was optional, you are an old fart.

  • If you are polite to strangers, you are an old fart.

  • If you’ve ever changed a typewriter ribbon, you are an old fart.

  • If there was only one fat kid in your class, you are an old fart.

  • If you think “Occupy” is a verb and not a noun, you are an old fart.

  • If you just want to be left alone, you are an old fart.

  • If you remember when only sailors had tattoos, you are an old fart.

  • If you remember when civil rights meant equal rights, not reverse discrimination, you are an old fart.

  • If you’ve never uploaded naked photographs of yourself, you are an old fart.

  • If you know how to spell, you are an old fart.

  • If you ever waited to hear your favorite song on the radio, you are an old fart.

  • If you remember when being radical meant hating the government, rather than relying on it, you are an old fart.

  • If you know how to get there better than that GPS contraption, you are an old fart.

  • If you’ve ever felt shame, you are an old fart.

  • If you still feel a twinge of dread seeing a phone number with a lot of “9″s and “0″s, you are an old fart.

  • If you think a nice warm day is just a nice warm day and not proof of impending doom, you are an old fart.

  • If you ever paid for your own condoms, you are an old fart.

  • If you know how to fix mechanical devices, you are an old fart.

  • If the phrase “turn of the century” makes you think of the year 1900, you are an old fart.

  • If you remember when Top Gun actually sat in the plane, you are an old fart.

  • If you’ve ever bought something with cash, you are an old fart.

  • If you don’t go all the way on the first date, you are an old fart.

  • If you remember when being a Democrat meant being anti-communist, you are an old fart.

  • If you remember when “books” were made of paper, you are an old fart.

  • If you’ve ever played pinball, you are an old fart.

  • If you remember when sex scandals would ruin a starlet’s career, you are an old fart.

  • If you’ve ever gotten on an airplane without first being searched, you are an old fart.

  • If you even know the meaning of the word “bipartisan,” you are an old fart.

  • If you you don’t have a Facebook page, you are an old fart.

  • If you do have a MySpace page, you are an old fart.

  • If you’ve ever used the word “gay” to mean carefree or joyous, you are an old fart.

  • If you kept a few leftover French francs and German marks the last time you visited Europe, you are an old fart.

  • If you think self-esteem is earned rather than a birthright, you are an old fart.

  • If you remember when the media at least pretended to be impartial, you are an old fart.

  • If you ever ate at Sambo’s, you are an old fart.

  • If you still have some bell-bottom pants way back in your closet from the first time they were cool, you are an old fart.

  • If you remember when every quarter had an eagle on the back, you are an old fart.

  • If you hold the door open for ladies, you are an old fart.

  • If you remember when tech support answered without an accent, you are an old fart.

  • If you remember when being on welfare was embarrassing, you are an old fart.

  • If you know what VHS stands for, you are an old fart.

  • If you admire successful people, you are an old fart.

  • If you know what “the blue dress” refers to, you are an old fart.

  • If a teacher ever smacked you on the knuckles with a ruler, you are an old fart.

  • If you think school should be taught in English, you are an old fart.

  • If you still think music comes on these black vinyl disks called “records,” you are an old fart.

  • If you played with toy guns when you were a kid, you are an old fart.

  • If you’ve ever visited a public library, you are an old fart.

  • If you remember when Apple was a small struggling company, you are an old fart.

  • If your debate coach taught you to see both sides of an argument, you are an old fart.

  • If you still have some of those 8-track tapes in the garage, you are an old fart.

  • If you love your country, you are an old fart.

  • If you remember when budgets were measured in billions, not trillions, you are an old fart.

  • If you want to go back to measuring budgets in billions like we used to, you are really an old fart.

  • If you remember when campus revolutionaries fought against The Man, and weren’t yet The Man themselves, you are an old fart.

  • If you’d welcome a death panel at this stage, frankly, you are an old fart.




UPDATE

 
  • If you actually paid off your mortgage, you are an old fart

  • If you tried to copy Evel Kneivel with your Stingray bike, you are an old fart.

  • If you’ve ever owned an encyclopedia, you are an old fart.

  • If you remember singing Christmas songs in public school, you are an old fart.

  • If you ever smoked a cigarette on an airplane, you are an old fart.

  • If you still think there are only two genders, you are an old fart.

  • If you ever used a phone booth, you are an old fart.

  • If you still haven’t quite gotten the hang of Pong, you are an old fart.

  • If you ever ate candy cigarettes, you are an old fart.

  • If you ever got out of the car to open the garage door, you are an old fart.

  • If you ever judged people by the content of their character, you are an old fart.

  • If you ever turned a knob to change the station, you are an old fart.

  • If you ever signed your name with a fountain pen, you are an old fart.

  • If you ever looked something up in a card catalog, you are an old fart.

 

 



This is known as THE GRAN TORINO EFFECT:

Don’t mess with 72 year-old farts or you might get THIS:



24-year-old burglar Gregory McCalium got more than he bargained for when he broke into the home of former boxing champ and ex-Royal Engineer Frank Corti, age 72.


Old Farts Rule - STORMBRINGER SENDS


Today's Bird HERE

0 comments:

Post a Comment